Stranger.

Today i've met my friend, which i suppose him as my friend.
things started to annoy me since last night, when we went to choir practice together, noticing his bad mood and then things seems nothing wrong until the choir ends. i wanted to stay longer discussing something, and halfway i noticed that he went back without me, leaving message to one another friend of ours, saying he needs to rush back to do assignment. OK. Fine. i assume that's true.
and so, today, i accidentally met him in front of the lecture hall, he can not seeing me, which i have no reason to persuade myself that he just missed looking at me. im just so disappointed. with all the accumulated events, i decided, to make him my stranger.

I have no rights to fault myself... Because I missed the chance to say I love you...

I used to love myself a lot... i was such a darned boy, who is always full of confidence...
i doted myself more then everything else, i never cared about anybody...

i was such a boy, which i had even challenged a teacher's knowledge, the arrogance within me, made myself avoided by so many friends...

until one day, i met this girl, i started teasing about her name in the first few meets. she was so mad about the tease and she started to enemy-lize me...

if i wonder, what made us together, i will say its fate, because no one will like a boy like me with the stated characteristic, and she didn't like me either. but somehow, fate brought us together into a choir team, and we stayed close for the next 3 years, until my age of 15. then fate brought her closer to me, making her the same class as me in the science stream for SPM. She is in my class for the 2 years, i started to be not so arrogant, not to be so teassy, not to be everything bad. i started to learn to be a good friend, she became my first ever close friend! things goes like close friends until one day, after graduation, in my national service camp, the 2nd week inside the camp, i felt the feeling, i missed her so much... i really missed her, every moment without her was torturous for me. this is the first time, i called her, using a public phone... i said i missed her... and i forgot the exact situation, and somehow, i started to say that can i like you? or did i say will you be my girlfriend?
she was being nice, and thought i was joking... she said dont joke, its impossible,... and i stressed that im being the most serious time for my lifetime.
everything didn't turn out good when she said that, just one week before me, an anonymous, she said he was the guy working in front of her handphone stall had asked the same question like me, and surprisingly she agreed to the guy! for the time i missed in the 5 years, and the 2 weeks i missed in my national service camp, made me waited for this 2 years... im only able to put her inside my mind, inside my heart... im not able to speak everything out... she made everything of me to be not like me, and she made everything not like me to be like me...
so now, the feel remains, the love remains, the difference now is, the every second longer then that day, 10.1.08, the love gains weight.in my heart, there's always a room for you, in the deepest corner today. until he leaves you, i will return you the master room, hoping that you will be willing to stay in my house, as the owner of the room.

Whose fault of the tragedy?

I saw news article today, and some video clips widely shared in facebook, about the horrible accident which caused 12 deaths... the video clip was rather awful, bloody scene... then of my curiousness, i went to Chinapress.com and understood the event occurred on October 10, 2010. A meaningful date, 10/10/10 became the most memorable day for the 12 victims' family... in my understanding, the accident happened like this:

Venue: KM223.2 of the North South Expressway, Seremban, near Simpang Ampat, 7:45pm

According to a chinapress, there's a chinese woman aged 28 with the same sirname of mine, in chinese pronunciation, Lu was heading to KL with her boyfriend. She was at the most right of those lanes, theres a black MPV in front of her, synchronized speeding with the bus. whereas in the middle lane, its the bus and a national-made car following it.

Lu's boyfriend, was driving at the speed of 110km/h, roughly 100m from the bus driving at estimated 90km/h by Lu. She also said that the bus was driving straight, which doesn't seem like driver feels sleepy.

She saw the bus dodged to the left, and head of to the crash barrier and then to the opposing road.

she suspected a car whom failed change its lane into the middle lane and caused the bus to crash off to the opposing way after slight damage to the car, ramming into 5 cars of the opposing side.

The indian driver of the said car, has got down from his vehicle and drew out a girl from the car, whose supposedly terrified by the accident.

Lu's boyfriend,  immediately change to the middle lane and avoided incurring into the accident.

Because the lack of evidence, people now are blaming each others for the fault.

Some of the victim's family accused the driver for irresponsible driving speeding.

The long distant bus company, Delima, said that the guardrails are to be strengthened.

The menteri said, the bus manufacturers should produce quality bus with a better frame which would withstand stronger impact.

For whoever or whatever, please be calm and stay concern about the problem, the bus crashes again.

Blame games are boring and unnecessary because it will build no benefit to anyone.

Instead of blaming, please be considerate, accidents happens everywhere, anywhere... sometimes, these accidents are not blamable, because accidents happens... in fact, the bus accident rate is not the most serious matter on the road, as we also have mat rempits causing much trouble than the buses does... causing more innocent people to lose their life.

however, i would like to express my sympathy towards the victims and to their families, when 10/10/10 ruined their lives and life.

风与海

一个人在海边
风很大　吹乱了我的头发　也吹乱了我的心情
突然之间全部心情都涌上心头　很复杂　很乱
会想朋友　会想家　会想她
 来这里是要念书　却有无尽的思念
放不下的过去　来到这里变成我的负担
扛着包袱　看似轻盈　却是那么沉重
快走不动了　想不走了　又觉得失责了
我只是个学生　不是送包袱的
 为什么一定要带着大家的期盼　期望　寄托　走呢
有时候　累了　坐下来　看看身边的小草　劲风吹　弯下腰　再大的风又能怎样
反而看看那些大树　越是年长越是坚硬就越会倒
因为它们要撑托的是多么的繁重　要是能放下一切
 为自己而活　将会是多么的幸福…